People Finder

Ok, so I don't know why, but every once in awhile I start to think of my old crushes from high school. It's a totally sick state of mind. Normally, I would think about my past and let it go. Every once in awhile though I start to obsess a little. Where are they now? What are they doing? Are they married? What would happen if we were to meet up somewhere? Would they remember me? Unfortunately the internet can turn even the most innocent person into an instant stalker. Going to a people finder site and plugging in first and last name can get you enough information to make things worse. I found an old crush and confirmed that it was him because it also listed his family members. Neat. Put in my own name and information and, poof, there I am. Including where I have lived and my husbands name. Yes, I have a husband, I told you it was sick. What is it that makes us think about our past with a slight longing and the what-if? Thinking back, the guy was kind of a dick, and wanted more from me sexually than I was comfortable with. I said no and he decided to act as if I didn't exist. Still, the what-if is there. What if I had given in to him? Would we be together? No. I know this honestly. So why the obsession? Could it be that I'm feeling old? Yes. Could it be that I sometimes think of all the errors I made in my youth and think my life might be completely different if I would have made a different choice? Yes. Do I miss my youth? Yes. With a milestone of age coming up in a year, I'll be 40, I look at myself in the mirror and think, when did this happen? What happened to the awkward teenage girl trying to fit in and do what I was supposed to. I didn't take a lot of chances back then that I wish I would have. I would not change the choice to hold on to my innocence until nineteen. But, I would change how I handled situations in school, friends, guys and family. Yes, I have learned from it all. If asked to go back and do it over again, the answer would be a resounding, "No." My life is great and I know that I have learned from my past choices. I wonder if I will always think of these ghosts from the past, where they are and what they are doing in their life. I know it will fade away again for a few years, but it is unsettling to know that anyone can find themselves being a stalker.