Still obsessing...

Ok, so it's coming up on a week and I still seem to be obsessing over my past. I have moved on from the "crush" and now can't stop thinking about the classmates I had and growing up from ages 9 to 15 in a small town in Iowa. There were mistakes made with friends and people that I knew. I was so immature, said and did things that were boneheaded and couldn't keep my mouth shut to save myself. I miss those people and I miss the fact that I didn't get to finish my high school years with them. The thoughts of "What did I miss?" keep coming back to me constantly. How would my life have been different if I would have graduated with them. Last night I couldn't sleep most of the night and all I did was go over all of the mistakes I made, and there are a lot. I would like to reach out to some of my former friends, I tried to once and there wasn't a lot of interest in rekindling any kind of relationship. I regret that because it was my best friend. Missing her wedding caused a lot of hurt and it's something that I'll never be able to take back. I understand what I did, and a lot of those mistakes have helped me as I moved to a different school and my life progressed. I'm thankful for the introspect, just continue to wish I could have made things better. Still working through how I can get past this distraction, because there isn't a lot I can do about it. There is another friend who I was close to living there still. Hoping to find the courage to call her, but what do I say? Hi, I haven't seen or talked to you in close to twenty years and the last time you saw me I was a complete mess, so how are you doing? How cheesy is that? Regrets are hard for me to leave behind, and there are so many that if I let myself I could go insane pondering them. When there were two choices, I seem to have always chosen the most detrimental to myself and those around me. Anything would help this depression that seems to be settling around it all.